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33
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General Cat Discussion / Cat Humor / Does your cat own you?
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on: February 19, 2011, 10:40:21 pm
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Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them? Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress? Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month? Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks on the butter? Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have? Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move? Do you kiss your cat on the lips? Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork? Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat? Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it? Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator? Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote? Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat? Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in? Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date? Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse? Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap? Does your cat sign the card? Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or foot-board, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat? At the store, do you pick up the cat food and kitty litter before you pick out anything for yourself? Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays? Does your cat "insist" on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelet made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout? Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them?
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35
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General Cat Discussion / Cat Humor / The First Cat
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on: February 19, 2011, 10:36:17 pm
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The First Cat
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us." And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And cat would not obey them.
And when Adam and Eve gazed into cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't give a shot one way or the other.
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